Today I finished the manuscript. I know, you’ve heard this all before, right? Today I love it. Tomorrow I hate it, scrap it, and start all over again.
And we’re standing on this precipice with nothing much to save
But the deep blue screams of falling dreams with our next move
Heaven hide your eyes
Heaven’s eyes will never dry…
These lyrics keep popping into my head as I write the last words to this story. They come from a song called The Promise by a band called Arcadia, which most of you have probably never heard of. This song had significance to a younger version of me (like waaaay back in the early 90’s??) and it’s just a tad ironic that they make a reappearance now. If you’re interested, you can find the song on YouTube HERE. I used to listen to this on record, long before any such thing as YouTube existed and at the time, I was pretty certain this particular album had magical properties… a conversation for another blog post, perhaps?
I finished the story that took so long to tell. This should be a happy occasion worthy of hugs and celebrations, not moody dark music that makes us feel as though we’re ready to plunge into some unknown fate, right? So, what gives?
Perhaps it’s the uncertainty that keeps tugging at me? I want to believe in my story. I want to believe in my ability to be a writer and yet I keep coming back full circle to doubt both. Perhaps it’s because I’ve started out to follow a path and I’ve lost my way and now I’m struggling to get back on course.
Perhaps I just have a funny way of celebrating?
At any rate, put away the champagne for now. August brings a lot of hard work and plenty of ups and downs of its own. After all, it’s time for me to rewind back to chapter one and comb through all thirty chapters to make sure that what I wrote actually makes sense. (It’s easy for me to forget something I planted in the early chapters and never resolved by the end.)
I’m also attempting something just a bit terrifying, which is probably the real reason behind the moody song. Once I’ve gone over my story and made sure it’s as perfect as I can make it, I’ve decided to write a synopsis and send a query. I have one publisher in mind (thanks to DuoTrope), I’ve printed out their submission requirements, and I wonder if we might be a perfect fit for one another? A literary match made in heaven? Our own version of happily ever after? I’ve never queried before. I’ve never set myself up for the possibility of rejection. This is a first… and I’m scared…
Fingers crossed? Let’s take the plunge …