Weekend Writing Warriors #8Sunday – Stepping Into Enemy Territory

wewriwa2HAPPY 2016!

Here’s to hoping your new year is off to a great start and only gets better from here. Did you make any New Year’s Resolutions? I’m not really one for resolutions but I do intend this post to be the first of an entire year’s worth of contributions to the Weekend Writing Warriors, a fun blog hop where a gathering of authors share 8 to 10 sentences of a current work-in-progress. Check the link at http://www.wewriwa.com for the full list of participants.

2016 will be a year of writing so it should be a great year for sharing!

At the end of December I shared a couple of snippets from Rise of Angerroots, a story I hope to finish soon. Max had just discovered his fiancee was alive but when he confronted her, he was surprised to find that she didn’t remember him. Today’s snippet moves to Sarah’s point of view (Max’s fiancee). She is lost in a world that stopped making sense and meeting with her new neighbor, Nathanial, to discuss strange animal attacks. Nathanial seems to have information that the authorities are lacking. It doesn’t hurt that she’s incredibly attracted to him. 😉

**

Sarah tried to suppress the feelings that madness would overtake her mind if she did not see Nathanial again. Her heart pounded in her chest as she knocked lightly against the oak door. She did not have to wait long before it opened it. When she met his dark lustful eyes, she lost her courage and with it, the ability to speak.

“Come in,” he said, “I’ve been looking forward to seeing you again.”

Her body trembled as she entered the dimly lit entryway. She was overcome with the sensation of walking into enemy territory. It was absurd, she thought, trying to shake off the unnatural fear.

“I hope I haven’t come too late,” she said softly as she followed him to the living room.

**

Thank you for reading. I look forward to reading your thoughts on this snippet so please feel free to share them. Be sure to check out the other authors on the official page and enjoy the rest of your Sunday. See you next week!

Happy New Year background

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3 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors #8Sunday – Stepping Into Enemy Territory

  1. Teresa Cypher says:

    I think you’ve done a good job of showing the tension she’s feeling. 🙂

    A couple things jumped out at me. And it might just be me. So ignore if you think that’s the case. 🙂

    In this sentence: “…her mind if she did not see Nathanial again.” It felt kind of clunky. I think it’s because “did not” was spelled out, rather than a contraction.

    In this sentence: “She did not have to wait long before it opened it.” Again, it felt stilted and mildly repetitive, ie “she did not” twice in a just a few sentences.

    A possible quick fix for the second one is a change to something like, “She’d barely taken her hand away from the door before it opened.” And the second “it” in the sentence feels out of place, unless she’s referring to Nathanial as an it. It’s paranormal, so maybe he is an it. lol. I don’t know.

    If I’ve misunderstood your snippet, please ignore everything I’ve written!

    I just double-checked the list for last week–wondering why you didn’t get comments. I don’t see your name on the list, Stephanie. I do see it on there for this week, though. I love that you’re shooting for posting all year with wewriwa.

    And I’m gabby tonight. You might wonder if I ever shut up. I just read your “About Stephanie” at the top of your page. I didn’t realize that you’re from Pgh. I’m about 30 miles north of the city, in Butler County. 🙂

    Have a good weekend, and see you on Sunday!

    • Stephanie Ingram says:

      Hi Teresa! Can you believe it? I was so happy I remembered to schedule my post last weekend for Weekend Writing Warriors but I completely forgot to add my name to the hop. I felt very silly when I looked at it on Sunday. On the other hand, it was sort of a blessing in disguise because I usually try to visit everyone’s blog on Sunday and between New Year’s activities and celebrating my son’s birthday on Saturday, I just didn’t have it in me. Ah well. As you noticed, I made sure to get my name on this Sunday’s list. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and reading and for giving me some great feedback! I knew there was something about this snippet that didn’t sit right with me but I couldn’t put my finger on it. The changes you suggested help a lot. 🙂

      Yes, we are both in Pennsylvania, and not too far from each other. Always fun to find writers who live in the area. My parents live in Butler County so we go up that way a fair bit. They are in the northernmost, almost into Venango.

      Thanks again. I loved reading your comment! I hope you have a good weekend as well. See you Sunday! 🙂

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